I was standing near the front desk when a gentleman walked in and asked if he could speak with someone. I wasn’t busy, so we walked back to my office. John explained how he’d been with a family-owned company for over 20 years and was downsized 6 months prior.
He was a CPA and had an accounting degree and had no problem landing interviews, but none made an offer or even gave a second interview. Some would say “plan on spending an hour for the interview“, but then it would end after only 20 minutes. He was beyond frustrated, and I could tell his emotions were near the surface.
“Obviously, I’m doing something . . . or not doing something . . . I don’t know what’s going on. I really need your help.”
It was difficult to focus on the details of what he was saying because he had ear hair that looked like
cauliflower, so dense I could barely see his ears.
“You have no idea what might be causing it”, I said? “No”, he said, “I need your help and I’m willing to do anything.”
“Are you?”, I replied? “Are you really willing to do anything?”
“Absolutely, he pleaded. “You tell me what to do and I’ll do it, you’ll never have a better client.”
“Well, OK”, I replied. “This may be a little unconventional but let’s go for a drive”. We drove to the nearby mall, walked into Sharper Image and purchased a pair of $18 nose and ear hair trimmers. On the way back to the office I asked, “you’re married, right?”
“Yes”. “You have a daughter?” “Yes”. “They’ve never said anything?” “No”. “You didn’t think this might be an issue?” “No, my dad and brothers are hairy like me.”
I convinced him we needed to trim it and we proceeded to the executive bathroom. Because he was unfamiliar with how to do it, I began the process of mowing down the hair, straining the tiny motor, as clumps of hair fell into the sink and inquisitive and then horrified executives came and went.
He took it all in stride as we walked back to the office, joking about how much lighter he was, and mused how there should be a job called “Hair Farmer”. “I’d be independently wealthy”, he chuckled.
We sat down and just looked at each other for a few seconds. “You’re a new man”, I said smiling, admiring my handiwork. “You’re good”, he said sincerely, reaching up to touch his ears, “smooth as a baby bottom.” I’ve had lots of practice”, I said.
After discussing some interviewing basics, it was clear he was well prepared to interview and came across as very likable and genuine. I said, “in my opinion you don’t need our service”. You’re getting plenty of interviews on your own and I predict you’ll have an offer within 30 days.
“30 days?” He said skeptically. “I’d lay good money down on it and if not, come back and we can discuss other options,” I said confidently.
“I’ll take you to the nicest restaurant in town, with your wife, if you’re right”, he sighed. He called me the next day to tell me what happened when he got home. “You know in scary movies when the person jerks their hand up over their mouth in horror and disbelief . . . that’s what happened last night with my daughter. It was obvious both she and my wife were aware but didn’t say anything.”
I asked my wife why she didn’t mention it and she said “that’s the way you were when I met you and I love you for who you are. I guess – I just got acclimated to it and didn’t really see it.” My daughter said she thought she’d hurt my feelings.“
“Amazing”, I said. Then I shared an epiphany, beyond the obvious importance of personal grooming. We might be tempted to think “how could he not see that? How could he be so clueless?” I can’t believe nobody told him.
We all know we would’ve noticed the ear hair, right?
Wrong.
Everyone has ear hair. We all have some “thing” holding us back from the success we could be having or is a source for our “bad luck”. It’s connected to the reason we can’t close a sale, or in John’s case get a second interview and a job offer. More broadly, it’s a reason we can’t hold a job, get or stay happily married, get a promotion or any number of other negative career or life symptoms.
Also, perception is reality. We, in fact, may not be doing something, or be someone, that someone else is convinced we do or are. We must be aware of that reality and address it, in addition to reality, reality.
The first step in addressing our “Ear Hair” is awareness. We have varying levels of awareness.
A. Blind. We may be completely oblivious – but it’s as obvious as ear hair to everyone else.
B. Semi-Aware. We’ve been told, but it didn’t sink in at a conscious level and certainly not to a degree where we see how it’s truly affecting us or others. We didn’t give it the consideration we should, it went in one ear and out the other (no pun intended).
C. Aware. We see it and recognize how it’s affecting us and others, but don’t know how to change.
D. Aware – Don’t care. We see it, get it – but don’t feel compelled to do anything about it.
If we’re blind, we need to ask ourselves why we don’t see it and more importantly, why won’t or don’t people tell us. In most cases, as it was with John, people don’t want to hurt our feelings, which means we’re probably way too sensitive.
In other cases, people may be afraid to say something, because when they do, or have in the past, we get defensive or angry. Still others have decided after working with us, or living with us, it’s not worth it – it won’t make a difference and see no upside to doing it.
Whatever the case, we’ll need a kind of “reset” with people, encouraging them to give us feedback.
If we’re in the Semi-Aware category, we need to commit to being the best observer of our own strengths and weaknesses. Eventually, we’ll no longer be Blind or Semi-Aware – only Aware and working on it! Clueless and autopilot awareness will be faint dots in the rear-view mirror.
Once we’re in the Aware group, we can find various “hacks” that directs us to the necessary metaphorical “clippers” to address, reduce and eventually eliminate our Ear Hair.
A note for the Aware – Don’t Care group. One day, something will happen where you will care. You’ll hit rock bottom or life will show you the error of your ways. Feel free to continue with “this is how I am, so, deal with it”, or laughing things off, even though no one else is laughing. You might think you’re immune to the negative consequences because you’ve been successful.
The reality is, you’ve been successful in spite of who you are. It doesn’t last forever, eventually you reap what you sow, what comes around goes around. So, choose now, to let this be the wakeup call before the wakeup call.
Be better because you can be – don’t wait to be compelled, it might be too late.
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